Women love to talk, talk a lot, this is how they bond with other women; and women that take care of themselves and feel beautiful, take bonding further and do it through style: hair, make-up and dress.
To initiate bonding, women will dress similar but the woman that is either beautiful or thinks she is beautiful, gets competitive, often which stems from insecurities, and this makes her want to have the edge over the others in the group to feel confident. So, her outfit will be just a bit shorter or a little more expensive or a little more cleavage bearing.
Most women let their emotional state override the group identity to determine what they will wear. I have personally gone through many different phases; think, Queen Elizabeth, Meg Ryan and Pamela Anderson. I suppose my natural style of dress when I am most myself, is a cross between all three.
And I suppose Pamela Anderson came out when I needed a self esteem boost, Meg Ryan when I was depressed and Queen Elizabeth, don’t ask. But, the beautiful or wannabe beautiful woman’s priority is to clearly reign and if she cannot she would rather leave the group, to find one where she does rule.
A male friend of mine once said, “I bet you don’t have any close girlfriends”; and I said, “No, I have good lifelong friends, but, maybe it is true of the friends that I socialize with, the single ones, they don’t last.” And he said, “Ah, I was right, women don’t want to hang out with beautiful women, even when they are themselves beautiful.” As ridiculous as it sounded, I realized that perhaps there was some truth to this.
I have a very difficult time finding single female friends to socialize with that feel comfortable in my company. Perhaps it is the level of comfort I have with myself that irritates them. I have tried with less attractive, equally attractive and even those that are more attractive but, somehow almost all single women feel some sort of “lack” and often lose their grounding, getting desperate for male attention and wanting to feel beautiful, they just don’t have peace; and I do understand very well, I have been there.
I have no problem letting another bask in the limelight but it does get tiring having to continuously compliment or tone myself down to feed egos. Spending the night insuring my “model” girlfriend gets all the attention lest she may run to the bathroom crying, makes me want to cringe.
Nor do I want to listen to the plain Jane “single “friend, give me the once over and say something like, “women either focus on developing their brain or their looks, what do you think?” I mean really, what would you say to that? Do I have to “lack” something too?
I am not implying that women do not support each other. They certainly do and I have many sweet encouraging strong, smart beautiful friends, showering me with praise.
Beautiful women are genuinely happy for the success and beauty of their friends and are very gracious about it, as long as they feel that they are at the top of their game: image, beauty, job, boyfriend, etc. When a woman feels secure in herself her generosity expands toward her sisters. But take the same woman going through a self-esteem crisis, as beautiful women often do and unknowingly, her talons come out and she becomes ruthless in her quest, as she sees it, to regain her title as “queen.” Until it is a one woman show.
(Basra Haider covers the beauty business. She can be reached at: email@example.com)