I hear men often say, “All women want in a man is money, they are all the same.” I am not really sure where they got this idea. But I always find it disrespectful. Do men really think that women are so shallow? Please do not underestimate a woman’s depth.
Ideally, women want a man that is beautiful on the inside, and outside, and has money. The whole package deal is what all women are after, initially that is, until reality sets in that this is indeed a rare fish to catch. And so we start to look for at least a combination of two out of three of these traits and usually by the time we are in our 30’s and still single we decide that perhaps the most practical and useful of the three would be money.
Men that were too busy and focused on making money to have a lasting relationship or to develop any other aspect of themselves have usually accomplished what they set out to by around the age of forty, so now they take a step back and finally breath, only to realize that they feel lonely and finally are ready to settle. Women, who are hitting thirty, their biological clocks ticking, their beauty fading, grab them.
The logic is that at least he will be able to provide for the children. In truth, the biological ticking of our clocks leads to a disastrous phenomenon of hooking up with the wrong guy. Our bodies need to procreate and the baby-making brain cells go into overdrive between the ages of 25-40, causing many otherwise, emotionally healthy women to make poor choices in mating partners.
On the other hand, men are most definitely more visually orientated as opposed to audio but I still don’t think that beauty alone has the power to keep a man happily hooked. Ask any man and he will agree that seeing an attractive woman turns his head but if she has little else to offer, he will quickly lose interest. Men also complain that it is difficult to find women that have the combination of brains, beauty and personality that they seek. Indeed another rare fish. So he settles for the arm candy even if she is a fading one, at least she makes him look good and adds to his image as an all-round successful guy.
On a deeper note, I do believe that to attract the partner of our desires we actually need to be able to “give” that what we want; men and women should first work on themselves. It is those men and women that take this approach to mating that end up the happiest.
If you are beautiful and rich, find an equal counterpart; if you are poor and simple, find an equal counterpart. If you truly want a relationship with a smart, nice, successful rich guy, start making your own money, be nice yourself and considered your own success, whatever that may be, instead of trying to ride on the coattail of your partner’s success. If you are simple to look at but desire an attractive partner, start to take care of yourself more. Very simple.
When we try and reach outside our understanding and limitations, we may achieve our desires through sheer determination, but rarely will the pairing make us feel good or be one that we can sustain for long; at least, not without detrimental damage to our emotional and physical health.
This is not because we don’t deserve the partner of our dreams. We deserve anything and everything our hearts desire. But the mind does not allow us to absorb or accept that which it does not genuinely know, causing it to either not recognize the ideal partner standing in front of us or be trying to reject the good fortune by way of sabotage or attracting circumstances toward its eventual breakdown.
Of course, there are exceptions to the rule but largely, I believe this to be true, especially if you are a believer in theories such as “like attracts like.” It seems that until we accept this hard truth and learn to work on developing the qualities we seek in others within ourselves we will be largely unsatisfied with our partners. And men will continue to settle for beauty and women will continue to settle for money.
(Basra Haider covers the beauty business. She can be reached at: email@example.com)