Nermeen Murad
When my eldest son went to school in England, we, the parents, had to drive up to the pick-up point and in turn come out of our cars and take delivery of our children. One day it struck me that some class teachers become laden with “treats” that the mothers or fathers handed over as they picked up the children. I felt distressed that my child may have lost favor with his teacher because I, his mother, hadn’t thought of an appropriate souvenir to share.
And when I finally sat on my tiny chair in front of his teacher at the prescribed parents meeting, I bristled when she casually told me that chocolate cake was her favorite sweet if I ever planned to arrive at the pick-up point not empty handed.
" What she taught me was that she and I can share this eagerness to please to our mutual benefit and that it was a reciprocal relationship of respect and affection between us, and not a material one " I quietly shared with her that my son, who was three at the time, was still too young to learn the art of pleasing his superiors. She later became a good friend of mine and I did arrive many an afternoon with an extra special chocolate muffin or cupcake just for her.
What she taught me was that she and I can share this eagerness to please to our mutual benefit and that it was a reciprocal relationship of respect and affection between us, and not a material one.
My son promised his schoolteacher here yesterday that I would write about the food fair that will be held at his school towards the end of October. He obviously doesn’t understand that I cannot advertise for school events in this column even if this very popular annual event has the added attraction this year of being held at its much larger and much better equipped new premises.
But his promise to his teacher did remind me of the chocolate cake incident and the lesson I learned so many years ago. It would be fine for me to insinuate here that the food fair at his school is well worth supporting, especially as the proceeds go to charities that the children choose. I will not be using my minuscule status here to give favor, nor do I expect any favor back from his school because I was able to deliver on my son’s promise. |
" In fact the question should be turned on its head and perhaps we should ask at what point does the one with the authority to hand out the reward recognize that this is not necessary for finding those who want to share respect and affection " The lesson that I had learned was that a bribe is only a bribe - or a wasta is only a wasta - when it is for illegal material gain and not when individuals are exchanging affection, respect, support and all other non-material values that we want to instill in our children. And the real lesson to teach my children from early on is to differentiate between the two.
Many citizens suffering from the current economic burdens must ponder these values as they look for ways to pay school fees, cover the cost of Ramadan, pay up the higher utility prices, and invent ways to look like they gave their children summer holidays.
At what point does one give up on these values and join the deluge of people lining up to show their eagerness to please in the hope of acquiring material reward? In fact the question should be turned on its head and perhaps we should ask at what point does the one with the authority to hand out the reward recognize that this is not necessary for finding those who want to share respect and affection.
As we hear the drum roll for the reforms that are expected to absorb some of the Jordanian citizen’s burdens, perhaps this is an opportunity to say that the citizen wants to have a go at a fair competition and at being given an equal and fair chance to compete with those who jump the line.
Perhaps the best reform would be just to allow all citizens to start at the same start line. Then we would all be able to share the chocolate cake, equally.
*Published in Jordan's THE JORDAN TIMES on September 28, 2009. |
